...Cooking for the First Family

The first family of Westchester, that is.

After a day spent at the pediatrician's office for L's 12 month (already?!) check-up, lunch with friends followed by a 93 degree trip to the park, and some time in the backyard baby pool, I could think of nothing better to do for my family than cook them a delicious, healthy(ish) dinner.  So, since it's blazing outside, the best meal I could think of involved turning on my oven and heating up the shoebox  house.

Because I had a box of lasagna noodles in the pantry, and said box was driving me crazy with how much space it takes up, I decided to make a crock pot lasagna recipe that I had made once before and liked.  It had fit my main meal criteria: easy, delicious, healthy enough to make me think I can stuff my face with it.  I turned to my dear friend, Pinterest, to get the recipe off of my "Eat It. Drink It. Love It." board, and it had been removed or taken down for inappropriate content.  Inappropriate?!  Lasagna?!  Never!  I thought the gods of Pinterest hated me.  But I persevered, determined to use those noodles and regain the corner space of the second shelf.  I googled "Turkey Lasagna", and got this recipe.  I thought, "If it's good enough for the first family, it's good enough for mine, darn it."

I made some changes because obviously I'm a better cook than the White House chef, and I even used basil from our garden, which H thought was pretty cool.  And I realized that we didn't have any shredded mozzarella, or any cheese that wasn't individually wrapped sticks for that matter, so I omitted that step altogether.  It was probably better for us anyway and still tasted delicious.  I think the Obamas would have liked it.  3 out of 4 members of my family did.  The other held another (almost record) sit in at the table, choosing to go to bed early rather than eat one bite of the turkey (which he actually loves).  I wonder where he gets that strong will?  That's another post.

I wish I had taken a picture because it really was quite beautiful.  And delicious.

...Not Quitting...Yet

So I have a lot more pictures to post - and by a lot, I mean 8 more.  They take a long time for me to add because most of them are on my phone, and I'm a bit technologically challenged.  And free-time challenged.  And frankly, motivationally challenged.  But at least I'm blogging?  Or rambling, as usual.

And thinking about weight loss.  It's always on my mind, but especially right now.  Sometimes I worry that I will pass my self-image issues onto L.  I remember going on walks with my mom when I was younger.  These issues definitely are rooted in the early parts of my life, for sure.  **I am not blaming my mother for my love handles.  My favorite diet that my parents did when I was in high school was (I think) called the Mayo Clinic diet.  Basically, while they were doing that, we would go to our friendly small town greasy spoon and eat fried chicken until our heart's content.  You see, we could eat as much as we wanted **as long as we had a glass of grapefruit juice before the meal.  Yeah.  I think they missed the boat on that one.  I wonder why it didn't work.  I digress.

Today was just one of those days.  It's like there was something in the air.  The outfit I planned on wearing today (you know, that visualizing you do while in the shower to try to make the rest of the process go more smoothly.  No?  Just me?  Figures.) ended up making me look like I was crammed into a sausage casing.  Not okay.  I ended up bouncing out of it, and I found something more suitable to wear that included the pants I had already ironed for outfit #1.  Bonus.  Then I was stuck behind every slow moving vehicle in the western suburbs on my way to work.  We were out of coffee at home (oops. my fault), so I drove through DD to get a cup.  Days like this definitely require a boost.  It took 9 minutes.  9.  For one cup of coffee.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Everything at work was fine.  Until I walked past a display case, saw my reflection, and realized my (better) outfit made me look about 6 months pregnant.  Sweet.  My teammate dutifully told me that it didn't, but I'm still not convinced.

I totally took last week off.  From exercising.  From caring.  From watching what I was putting in my mouth.  Not true.  I watched every last decadent bite go in.  Teacher Appreciation Week can destroy good intentions.  As can a birthday and all the celebrating that goes with it.  Communion dinners.  Cocktails.  Cinco de Mayo.  Cocktails.  Chocolate Fest.  Cocktails.  Sushi feasts twice.  Cocktails.  Fast food dinners justified by a busy schedule.  Cocktails.  Biscuits and Gravy to recover from said cocktails.  And cocktails.  But this week I'm back.  Or as one of my girls told me - back on track until next Friday when we celebrate again.

I guess there are worse reasons to get off track.  Feeling loved and having lots of friends to celebrate with just might be worth it.  I mean, wouldn't I rather be chubby and surrounded by amazing people than skinny and alone?  And I'm back to justifying pretty much anything.  Funny.  I bet I could have at least posted 1 picture in the time it took me to type this ramble.  Such is.

...May

When I turned the calendar to May, it really made me think about the past year and the amazing path I've been on.  One year ago, my 30th birthday was approaching, and I was saying goodbye to my twenties, doing a dreadful daily commute to get to a job I absolutely loved, and was full of fear and excitement as I was 6 weeks away from meeting my favorite girl in the world.  I knew things were going to change, but not this much!  I've got the new job/two kids/living the life I love thing down.

So it's May.  I'm about to turn 31, and am still working on a lot.  Right now my focus is on my inability to commit.  Wow.  Hmmm...Rephrase.  My focus is on my inability to stick with things/projects that I've started.  For example, the 30 Day Shred.  I LOVE this Jillian Michaels DVD.  I WANT to lose this baby weight - and then some.  I LOVE the feeling of accomplishment after the workout is over.  I even like being sore, as it makes me know that something's working in there.  Unfortunately, I'm so GOOD at making every excuse in the book for why I shouldn't spend the time to do the workout.  Or any workout, for that matter.  Bit as it is, I'm doing so well.  I'm only 4 pounds from my pre-L weight, and only 6 pounds from my pre-H weight.  I'll get there.  Eventually.

Since I'm aware of this tendency I have to quit, I decided to start a new project.  I saw a photo-a-day pin on Pinterest the other day, and decided to give it a shot.  I thought it would give me an outlet.  Something for me that isn't obsessing over myself, worrying about work, or focusing on my kids.  I'm finding that it's not turning out that way.  In fact, just the last 7 pictures are making me realize that these are exactly the things that my photos are focusing on.  Because they're what really matter to me.

So here are the first 7 days.

5.1  Peace - I can't think of anything more peaceful than a beautiful sleeping baby

5.2  Skyline - So it's not "the" skyline, but it's looking out my back door

5.3 Something I wore today - In an effort to feel better and be better...

5.4 Fun - A gorgeous evening at the park

5.5 Bird - There's nothing angry about this bird

5.6 Me - A little time out for me

5.7 Someone That Inspires You - I can't think of a more inspirational scene.
Family dinner.  L's first spaghetti and meatballs. 

Only 24 to go.  Commitment to be determined.

...A Stressed Out Mess

I have a little bit of everything on my mind.  Not true.  I have a lot of some things and a little bit of pretty much everything else imaginable going on in here.  When I first entertained the idea of blogging, I wanted it to be something I did for me.  An outlet for ideas and other things going on in life.  I did not want it to be a place for me to talk about my kids and how cute they are (blah blah blah).  Unfortunately (for the 2 of you who may be reading this), they are my entire world and I don't have very many thoughts that don't involve them.  And they are, of course, the "things" that are weighing most heavily on my mind right now.

Stress has never really been something I've handled well.  At all.  I can usually pull of a pretty decent nonchalant facade, and there's even a woman I work with who told me she wishes she could be as laid back as I am.  I try not to get too worked up - especially over things so completely out of my control - but it's just impossible sometimes.  For the last month, we've had this coming Thursday looming over our heads.  Our 7 month old is having surgery - a fairly minor procedure, a one and done kind of deal, but it needs to be done immediately.  I'm just so unbelievably anxious about her being under anesthesia for the 3 hour procedure.  I've tried focusing on the bright side.  Once it's done, it's done.  There's not a better place for her to be having the procedure or a better doctor to be performing it.  There are so many babies and their families who are going through and have been through so much more.  But the anxiety over this procedure causes me to just freeze sometimes. I can't think past of anything else.  My heart is racing and my eyes constantly have tears at the ready.

To add to the stress of L's surgery, both kids are sick.  It's never fun to have sick kiddos.  L's on Day 8 of her first antibiotics for an ear infection and a nasal spray.  Nothing really gets her down, so she's not your normal sick baby.  H goes all typical male, speaking in only whines and this time he's barking.  That's not his fault, though.  I've yet to experience anything in parenting that makes me feel as helpless as the croup.  There's nothing we can do to help him breathe easier.  Sitting in steam for 10 minutes or so every hour throughout the night.  Modeling long slow breaths.  Nothing works.  He's so terrified looking into my eyes trying to understand why he can't breathe.  So now he's on a steroid, and we're hoping that works.  Really, I'm just hoping he sleeps tonight.

So those are the big things.  The ones that really matter.  Everything else is just gravy.  Icing.  Sprinkles. Whatever.  I don't want to sound like I'm complaining.  I'm so grateful to have these two amazing kiddos and their dad who makes everything that I am and have possible.  All of this worry is totally worth all the  happiness they bring.  I think the new Muppet movie said it best when "Gary" played by Jason Segel (totally my celebrity crush, btw) sings "I've got everything that I need right in front of me."  I can't help but smile when I hear the song, and I can't help but sing it in my head - and sometimes out loud - when I look around my house.

...The New Year

I saw a "someecards" greeting that said "Let's put tremendous pressure on ourselves to have a good time" or something along those lines.  That pretty appropriately sums up my feelings on this New Year's Eve.  Gone are the days of getting all bedazzled and heading to an overpriced club downtown to try to cram as much of to drink as possible into my gullet in order to get my "all you can drink" money's worth.  And yet, I'm not ready to resolve myself to the idea of sitting home, alone, ringing in the new year in my pajamas.  So, this year I'm shooting for something in between.  Being a very social being, we'll be spending our last moments of 2011 and the very beginning of 2012 with the friends who have become our family.  And I couldn't be more thrilled.  Well, I could be.  I'd love nothing more than to ring in the new year with my husband, but duty calls.

The end of a year brings a sense of retrospect.  Looking back, 2011 has been one of the greatest and most eventful of all 30 of my years.  The birth of our second child, a new job that keeps me closer to home, the celebration of friends' weddings and the births of many of their first and second babies, the reconnection with family with whom we'd lost touch.  All of these brought a feeling that to describe it as joy seems insignificant.  The death of my grandma was one of the most difficult moments, but without times like this, the others have less meaning.

And with the end of one year comes the beginning of another.  What will the new year bring?  How can 2012 possibly top 2011?  What great things are in store?  I'm not really one to write resolutions - see post about not setting simple goals.  So to resolve to do (or not do) something goes against my nature.  Sure, I'd love to drop the baby weight and then some.  Of course I could stand to be more organized.  Who couldn't?  Why wouldn't I want to blog more?  Read more?  Stress less?  Eat healthier?  Drink less (or more)?  Spend more quality time with the ones I love?  Travel more?  Follow through with creating photo albums for my kids?  But will I really do any or all of these things?  Probably not.  But I just might try.  I'll join the throngs of the resolute at the gym.  We'll see how things go.  Or maybe I should make a resolution to make a resolution and stick with it.  There are still 7 and a half hours til the new year.  That's plenty of time.  

...Athleticism

Well, not really.  The whole exercise phenomenon is pretty foreign to me.  I mean, I've done it.  And, for the most part, I hate it.  But it does feel good afterward.  And I know that it's going to help me reach the end result I'm looking for much sooner.  So why can't I get the hang of it or the motivation to do it regularly (or even somewhat regularly)?

Yesterday a few of my girlfriends and I ran the Hot Chocolate 5k.  I opted not to train for this, and I'm feeling that decision a bit today.  The energy and excitement I felt at the beginning of the run was amazing.  I had planned to walk the 3.1 miles with one of the girls, but when we got separated, I took the opportunity to see what I could really do and pushed myself to run as much as possible.  When I crossed the finish line, I was so proud of myself - it felt so good!

So maybe I'll try to keep up this whole exercise thing.  Hopefully I can remember that feeling I had at the end of the race the next time I choose to just sit on the couch.

...Setting Goals

Sounds lame, right?  Every commencement speech ever alludes to our goals.  Regular people set goals all the time.  Not this girl.  It's something I've not necessarily been opposed to, but something that I've just never really taken the time to do.  You see, if you set goals and then you don't reach them, you have, in my opinion failed.  And by "you", I mean "I".  I'm not a big fan of failing.

The time has come when a goal must be set.  Otherwise, I might just continue this path of mediocrity for as long as the universe will let me.  And so, I will set a goal for myself right here on this public forum - well, kind of public since no one has ever actually read it.  I'm pretty tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted by what I see.  The world's most supportive husband doesn't understand my frustration nor my extreme lack of self esteem, and I don't understand how he doesn't.  I get the argument that I did have a baby three months ago, but I'm afraid of letting that excuse win in the long run.

Up to this point, I've often jumped into things with low expectations, expecting the worst in unknown situations so that I can be pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed.  So here goes.  Big sigh.  My goal is to drop 10 el bees by Christmas.  (Sidebar:  this is purposely very do-able.  See fear of failure above.)  Phew.  It's over.  It's out there.  I've said it.  Now I just have to do it.  And if this works, it might just be followed up with another.  Who knows?  This goal setting thing could lead to me finally organizing my closet.  Nah.  I won't get ahead of myself.